Drunken Shenny
by Robmeister2010
Summary: Penny has secured a small acting gig that could be a step up to a life of stardom. Champagne bottle in hand, Penny finds Leonard working overnight at the University. Sheldon will help her celebrate. Rating upgraded to M for Chapter 11 to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

Penny bounced through the door of 4A.

"Hey Moonpie." She smiled spotting Sheldon at his laptop.

"Who is it? Oh hello Penny, it's open, come on in." said Sheldon sarcastically. Penny poked her tongue out at him playfully, knowing it would bug him.

"Is Leonard around?" she asked.

"No, he's working overnight at the University with the lazer." Said Sheldon turning his attention back to his laptop.

"Aww damn. I had some good news. I wanted to celebrate." Said Penny holding up the bottle of champagne in her hand. Sheldon turned to face her.

"Are you celebrating in the success of a local sports team?" he asked.

"No Sheldon. I got an acting gig. It's only a small part but it's the next step on my way to stardom!" grinned Penny.

"Oh I see. I believe congratulations are in order." Said Sheldon.

"Well Moonpie, looks like it's just us two." Said Penny gesturing to the bottle.

"I don't drink." He reminded her.

"Oh come on, you can't let me drink alone in my moment of happiness. Just one glass." Said Penny.

"I suppose it would be ungentlemanly of me not to share in your triumph." Said Sheldon thoughtfully.

"That's the spirit. I'll open the bottle, you get the glasses." Said Penny sinking into the couch.

"You're in my spot." Said Sheldon. Penny rolled her eyes and shifted across into her spot. Sheldon got to his feet and fetched two glasses. The time reached 10.00 PM.

"So then Leonard tripped over the rope and landed face first in the biggest pile of cow excrement you've ever seen!" giggled Sheldon. Penny burst out laughing.

"Sheldon, I think you're drunk!" giggled Penny.

"I am not as think as you drunk I am Penny! No wait, that's…" said Sheldon before they both laughed even harder.

"Wooh, this champagne gives quite the buzz doesn't it?" giggled Penny.

"Aww, the bottle is empty!" moaned Sheldon shaking it.

"That's probably a good thing. Look at the state of you!" laughed Penny.

"You can talk Penny, you're not exactly capable of driving a motor vehicle yourself!" he said prodding her stomach with his finger.

"Oh you think you're getting away with that Moonpie?" she asked prodding him back.

"Ow! Penny, that hurt!" said Sheldon.

"I miss this…" sighed Penny.

"I'm sorry, I don't recall us ever having drunk together before in this context. And I have an eidetic memory." Said Sheldon.

"No, I mean us…just you and me. We don't seem to hang out together much anymore." Said Penny.

"Yes. I suppose with you dating Leonard again and me being in a relationship agreement with Amy Farrah Fowler it doesn't leave us much time alone." Agreed Sheldon.

"No it doesn't…" sighed Penny. She glanced over at him and shuffled across the couch to rest her head on his arm.

"You're cute when you're drunk." She smiled looking up at him. Sheldon looked down at her.

"You're invading my personal space." He observed.

"Whatcha gonna do about it Moonpie?" she grinned. There was a long pause.

"I have absolutely no idea. Alcohol certainly reduces IQ points." Observed Sheldon.

"You'd have to drink a hell of a lot of alcohol to get down to a normal level you genius mind." Grinned Penny. Sheldon let a smile cross his face. He did enjoy having his ego boosted.

"Tell me Penny, what is the usual protocol when two people have been drinking?" asked Sheldon.


	2. White wine

Penny chuckled to herself.

"Moonpie, if I answered that truthfully your genius mind would explode." She grinned.

"Impossible. A mind cannot explode due to an expressed thought." Sheldon informed her. Sheldon leant forward and reached for his empty glass.

"Do you have any more alcohol at your place?" he asked.

"I think you've had enough already sweetie." Smiled Penny.

"I am more than old and wise enough to make that decision myself." Said Sheldon firmly.

"I do have a bottle of white wine. And I suppose we are celebrating my gig." Said Penny.

"On with the wine!" called Sheldon theatrically posing and promptly sliding off the couch. Penny burst out laughing.

"You OK sweetie?" she asked sitting up and offering her hand out to him. She half expected him to ignore it, his fear of germs kicking in, but was surprised to note he held it softly. She was even more surprised when he made no attempt to stand up, but instead studied her hand closely.

"What's this?" he asked gliding a finger over a plaster on her finger.

"Occupational hazard when you're making yourself a sandwich with a sharp knife and not paying attention." Smiled Penny.

"Would you care for me to sing you Soft Kitty?" asked Sheldon glancing up at her.

"I'm not sick." She smiled.

"Cut and injured is a kind of sick." He reasoned.

"I'll go get the wine…you try and remember the words." She giggled. As she took her hand from his she got a little unsteadily to her feet. As she made her way slowly to the door she glanced back, giggling at Sheldons attempts to drag himself up onto the sofa.

"I should know better than to let you keep drinking." Smiled Penny opening the door. By the time she stumbled a little unsteadily back through the door Sheldon had managed not only to get up, but to make it to the tv, where he was trying to open some DVD cases.

"What are we watching?" asked Penny.

"I don't know. I can't read the writing!" giggled Sheldon.

"Sheldon!" smiled Penny.

"I'm sorry. It would be polite to let the lady choose. Oh wait…there isn't one!" giggled Sheldon.

"Hey!" smiled Penny swatting playfully at his arm.

"Penny, I'm sorry. It was rude of me. I apologise." Said Sheldon.

"I'll get a cork screw." Smiled Penny. Shortly after midnight the DVD finished.

"Do you have any idea what we watched?" asked Penny slumping over and resting her head against his side.

"Nope. I believe there is enough volume of wine to fill our glasses once more." Said Sheldon. He tried to lean forward.

"Can't…reach…bottle…" strained Sheldon. Penny giggled.

"Sheldon, you're wasted sweetie." Smiled Penny.

"So are you!" said Sheldon pointing at her accusingly. Penny took the opportunity of Sheldon lifting his arm to snuggle up closer to him. Sheldon let his arm drape absentmindedly around her shoulders.

"You know what you asked me before?" asked Penny. Sheldon tried to remember.

"You asked me what people do when they drink." Said Penny.

"Oh I did? I mean I did! Did I?" asked Sheldon confused.

"Yes, and you know what the answer is Moonpie?" asked Penny.

"Nope." Said Sheldon.

"They have sex. Wild passionate sex." Grinned Penny.

"Fascinating." Sheldon replied.

"I wouldn't mind sex Sheldon." Said Penny.

"Leonard is at the University, you'll never be able to make it there in your state." Sheldon informed her. Penny smiled and glanced up at him.

"Who said anything about Leonard?" asked Penny.

"Well who else are you going to engage on coitus with?" asked Sheldon trying in vain again to reach his wine glass on the coffee table.

"Who do you think?" asked Penny nudging him with her arm.

"I'm too drunk to think Penny." He replied.

"You Sheldon. I'd like sex with you." Whispered Penny. She lifted her head up and softly kissed him on the lips.

"Penny, I am Homo Novus, I don't do that sort of thing!" said Sheldon before grimacing as he knocked the bottle over with his foot.

"Damn, I could have sworn I could have got the bottle with my foot…" sighed Sheldon.

"Sheldon, we've had a lot to drink. Don't you think we should work some of it off?" asked Penny with a mischievous grin.

"Penny, we must be responsible." Said Sheldon.

"Why Sheldon? Why must we?" she whispered. She leant up and started to run her tongue along his neck.

"P…Penny…" said Sheldon trying to ignore the sensations her tongue were forcing upon him.

"That's it sweetie. Say my name. Say it!" she whispered shifting herself over to straddle his lap. She leant back to give him a full view of her. Sheldon tried to focus on her.

"Penny, I don't think we should be doing this." He whispered. Penny lifted her top over her head and Sheldon groaned as he stared at her ample breasts encased in a sexy black bra.

"You look so sexy when you're drunk Sheldon. God, I can't stand it." Whispered Penny leaning in to run her lips over his. Sheldon let out a whimper as Penny slid her tongue slowly into his mouth. Sheldons Kolinar finally failed him, overcome with desire and alcohol, and he ran his hands along her sides as she shifted herself to press down at the fast developing bulge in his pants.

"Penny…I don't own a condom." He said softly when she pulled her mouth from his.

"It's alright. I got one when I fetched the wine. I had a feeling we'd be doing this." Grinned Penny pressing herself closer to him and kissing him hungrily.


	3. The morning after

Penny stirred. Daylight filled the room and she groaned, her head aching. It took about a quarter of a second before she realised she was straddling a half naked Sheldon and freaked out.

"SHELDON!" she yelled leaping off the couch.

"Danger! Dan…argh!" groaned Sheldon holding his head as he awoke.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!" cried Penny.

"Penny, why are you calling the name of a deity I do not believe in? Wait…why am I half naked? Why am I on the couch? Why are…PENNY!" he yelled when his eidetic memory played back the events of the previous night.

"Oh god Sheldon! We so shouldn't have drunk that much!" said Penny pacing back and forth anxiously.

"Wait, what time is it?" asked Sheldon.

"Time? You're worried about the frickin' TIME?!" cried Penny.

"Penny, it's key to our situation. The daylight outside denotes it is morning. Leonard is due to arrive home at 6.00 am. What is the time now?" asked Sheldon.

"6.00 am." Said Penny. Right on cue, they heard footsteps. Penny freaked out and ran down the hallway into Sheldons room.

"Penny, people can't be in my bedroom!" cried Sheldon chasing after her.

"Get in!" hissed Penny closing the door when he entered.

"Penny, you can't…" Sheldon trailed off when she clamped her hand over his mouth.

"Wait, didn't you bring your clothes with you? Sheldon, your clothes!" cried Penny. He pulled away from her hand.

"I'm sorry Penny, I didn't intend on chasing you into my bedroom after finding out we engaged in drunken coitus. It wasn't exactly part of my morning schedule. You know I like Homeostasis." Said Sheldon.

"You can take your homeostasis and you can shove it up your…" Penny trailed off listening at the door for sounds of Leonard.

"I can't hear any sounds. Maybe he's gone to your apartment?" suggested Sheldon.

"How do you know that?" asked Penny.

"I have Vulcan hearing. If he was out there I would know it." He reminded her.

"Good point. Alright, try and get your clothes. Oh, and have a look for my underwear while you're out there." Said Penny.

"You mean under those shorts you're…" Sheldon trailed off when Penny shook her head at him in frustration. Penny opened the door and Sheldon peered out.

"Hey!" he cried when Penny shoved him out into the hallway and closed the door. Sheldon made his way into the living room. Fortunately Leonard had indeed gone over to Pennys apartment. He grabbed the clothes he was looking for and went back to his room.

"Penny, let me in!" he whispered. Penny opened the door and he stepped in, and she closed it behind him.

"Good lord, you wear these?" asked Sheldon holding up her knickers.

"Hey, I have a hangover, I just found out we slept together, save the lecture on my fashion sense OK?" snapped Penny. She snatched the knickers out of his hand.

"Well turn around so I can put them on!" said Penny. Sheldon rolled his eyes and turned round and Penny shifted out of her shorts.

"Well Penny, I think…" Sheldon started as he turned around.

"Not yet!" cried Penny but it was too late. Sheldon stared down at her stunned.

"Sheldon, turn around!" cried Penny trying to cover herself.

"What is that?" he asked pointing at her groin and ignoring her previous request. Penny glanced down slowly.

"It's my tattoo." She explained softly.

"Huh. You don't strike me as the kind of person who would be able to deal successfully with the pain associated with tattoo art." Said Sheldon.

"And how the hell would you know that?" asked Penny defensively.

"Penny, you got a paper cut last week and you started to cry!" Sheldon explained.

"Hey, it was a really big piece of paper!" Penny argued.

"Does it have a particular meaning?" asked Sheldon.

"No, it was just a few notes from the Cheesecake factory." Said Penny. Sheldon rolled his eyes.

"Not the piece of paper, the tattoo!" said Sheldon.

"Oh. Well actually I just liked it." Shrugged Penny.

"It's very beautiful. As are you if it helps to deal with any awkwardness you may be experiencing following our drunken encounter." Said Sheldon.

"Thank you Sheldon, but no. I feel really awkward." Admitted Penny.

"Would that be to do with the fact you are not wearing any underwear in my bedroom?" asked Sheldon.

"More to do with what happened between us. I mean god. You and me. I never saw that happening." Said Penny.

"Yes you did." Said Sheldon. Penny blinked and looked up at him.

"What do you mean by that?" asked Penny curiously.

"Last night when I stated my lack of a condom…you said you had brought one over with the wine because you had a feeling we would be engaging in coitus." Said Sheldon.

"Did I? I wish I had an eidetic memory." Said Penny.

"If it makes you feel any better, I believe you enjoyed yourself a great deal. I must admit, I didn't care for the context to which you uttered Yeehaw pardner though. I am from Texas but there are some things I just have to draw a line to." Said Sheldon. Penny cringed with embarrassment.

"Shall I turn around so you can replace your clothing?" asked Sheldon. Penny nodded and he did so. Once her knickers and shorts were back on Penny cleared her throat and he turned round again.

"Sheldon, I need to apologise. I never should have let either of us drink that much. I know how you feel about sex. I'm really sorry." Said Penny. Without another word Penny stepped forward, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his chest. Sheldon tentatively placed his hands on her back.

"There there…Sheldon's here." He said awkwardly.

"I must admit, you're taking this better than I thought you would." Said Penny, her voice muffled against his chest.

"Penny, if it reassures you atall…I found the experience strangely enjoyable." Said Sheldon. Penny froze against him.

"Say that again?" she asked.

"I said I found the experience enjoyable." Said Sheldon. Penny stepped back from him.

"Sheldon, you can't say something like that! That makes it sound like what we did was entirely OK." Said Penny.

"Isn't it?" asked Sheldon. She stared at him in disbelief.

"Of course not Sheldon. We _slept_ together. I'm with Leonard, you're with Amy, what we did was _wrong_!" insisted Penny.

"Penny, we must face facts. My relationship with Amy is going nowhere. And we both know the eventual outcome of your on again off again relationship with Leonard." Said Sheldon. Penny shook her head.

"I'm not listening to this. You're talking crazy." Said Penny opening the door.

"I'm not crazy Penny. My mother had me tested." Said Sheldon before she closed the door and paced out of the empty apartment, stopping only to collect the alcohol bottles that remained the only incriminating evidence. When she opened the door to her apartment she was surprised Leonard wasn't there.

"Must have gone out to have breakfast." She shrugged to herself. Penny sighed.

_We both know the eventual outcome of your on again off again relationship with Leonard._

Penny made her way to the shower after dropping the bottles off in her bin. Her head still ached and she needed to think things through.


	4. Inside a hungover mind

Penny slumped against the back wall and let the water run over her.

_Oh my god. How in the hell did that even happen last night? Sheldon for god sake. Dr Whackadoodle! I can't have drunk THAT much? Oh who am I kidding, I was wasted._

Penny reached for the shampoo to wash her hair. She stared at the label. Green Apple.

_I don't even like Green Apple that much. Why the hell do I wear a particular fragrance of shampoo just for him? Oh god that's why. It's for him. No, stop it Penny, you don't wear it for him, pull yourself together girl._

Penny began to massage the shampoo into her scalp. Suddenly her mind cast back to the previous evening, to Sheldon running his fingers through her hair as she ran her lips down the side of his neck. Penny let out a gasp.

_Good god. Stop it girl, what are you doing remembering that?_

She gave herself a mental scold. She ran her hand down to the corner where her neck met her shoulder. Her mind cast back again to the surprise she'd felt when Sheldon had lightly nibbled on there. How the hell did he know how to do that she'd asked herself at the time. She found herself asking that again now.

_Leonard doesn't deserve this. He's a good guy. Sure, things aren't great between us, but that doesn't give me the right to sleep with someone else. Even if I was so drunk I could have blown up a police breathalyser kit. Screw this, I need Dave._

Penny reached to a small box on the wall. Rummaging through it she pulled out her favourite toy, Big Dave as she liked to refer to it as. She switched it on and just stared at it. Sonehow she couldn't bring herself to use it. The reason why came to her in the next moment: It wasn't Sheldon.

_OK, this is frickin' ridiculous, I'm turning down my favourite toy because of him? What the hell is going on in my head? I'm dating Leonard, he's seeing Amy, this is stupid._

Penny switched Dave off and put it back in the box on the wall. She cast her mind back to last night. As the water rinsed away the pain of her hangover more and more of the previous evening came back to her.

_How the hell did he do that thing with his tongue on my neck? That felt great. Oh who am I kidding, he's a frickin' genius with an internet connection, he's probably secretly researched the entire Kama Sutra. Mmm…I wouldn't mind researching the Kama Sutra with him. Woah, what the frickin' hell was that?!_

Penny shook her head and concentrated on washing the shampoo out of her hair before it started to run into her eyes. Her fair felt soft. Not totally unlike a certain physicists hands that were running through it the night before.

_Holy crap on a cracker. I can't stop thinking about him. This can't be happening. Not Dr Whackadoodle!_

Penny perched on the side of the bath tub out of the stream of water. She glanced down at her hand, and in particular the paper cut on her finger. She cast her mind back. Sheldon had gone full on Doctor on her, cleaning the wound and putting a plaster over it. All that for a paper cut. He really did care for her. She stood up again and let the water run down her for a moment. Then she shut off the water and stepped out. She hadn't done half the things she normally did when she took a shower, but she was distracted, she was clean, it would have to do.

*knock knock*

Pennys heart rate went up, but slowed back down when it didn't get followed with a third knock and a recital of her name, followed by two cycle repititions. It wasn't him. She tried to shake off the feeling of disappointment as she threw a towel round herself and answered the door.

"Ooh bestie!" grinned Amy when she saw her.

"Hello Amy. My face is a considerable distance further North than where you're staring." Said Penny rolling her eyes.

"Sorry bestie. You must hate being such a sexy goddess." She grinned. Penny shook her head and allowed herself a moment to consider whether her Sheldon was dating a secret bisexual. Wait, _her_ Sheldon? What the frak?!

"What can I do for you Amy?" asked Penny massaging the last of her hangover from her forehead with her hand.

"I need your help. I want to plan surprise party for Sheldon. It's his birthday the day after tomorrow." Said Amy.

"Aww sweetie, Sheldon doesn't celebrate his birthday." Said Penny.

"He will this year. I want to make it the best birthday ever." Said Amy.

"Amy, Sheldon doesn't _like_ celebrating his birthday. You'll just upset him. You know how he gets when anyone tries to change his routine." Said Penny.

"Penny, if you can't afford a present for him I can loan you money if that's what you're concerned with?" she asked.

_Oh don't worry Amy. I think I gave him his present last night!_

"It's not that, Amy you know Sheldon doesn't like surprise parties. I had to blackmail him just to have one for Leonard that time, you push this too much and you'll end up single." Said Penny. She hated herself in the next moment, when a feeling of relief crossed over her at the thought of Amy and Sheldon breaking up.

_Oh for god sake, stop it girl!_

"Penny, let's face it, I'm practically single anyway. Sheldon is never going to indulge in physical intimacy." Said Amy. Penny tried to look away.

_Oh I wouldn't say that Amy…_

"Would you care for breakfast? My treat." Said Amy.

"I'm still trying to get over a hangover. I think I'll let my stomach settle first." Said Penny. The last thing she wanted was to spend the morning with Amy, considering what she'd done with her boyfriend not more than a few hours previously.

"Very well. I'll rethink the details of the party. I'll Skype you later." Grinned Amy.

"Yay!" grinned Penny a little fake.

"Goodbye bestie. Kiss goodbye?" asked Amy.

"No!" said Penny shaking her head.

"Sorry." Blushed Amy turning and making her way down the stairs.

"If ever I had thoughts of experimenting with girls…there's my opportunity right there." Penny mused out loud.


	5. Left alone together

Suddenly the door across the hall opened. Sheldon stopped suddenly when he saw her. There was a long pause.

"You want me to shut my door so you can do your knocks?" she asked rolling her eyes. She stepped back and closed the door.

*knock knock knock* Penny!

*knock knock knock* Penny!

*knock knock knock* Penny!

Penny opened the door.

"Hello Sheldon, what a surprise." Said Penny in a sarcastic tone.

"You left your socks under the couch." Said Sheldon holding up a pair of pink bunny socks.

"Oh. Thanks." Said Penny taking them from him. Sheldon leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her cheek before turning on his heels and heading back over to his apartment. Penny brushed her hand against the cheek he'd kissed and her mouth fell open. She closed the door and sighed. This was not good. The rest of the day passed and there was a knock at the door.

"Oh hey Leonard." Said Penny opening the door.

"Hey Penny. We're watching a film and we have pizza. You coming over?" asked Leonard.

"Sure." Said Penny. Leonard smiled, something that made Pennys heart sink. She didn't really want to be in the same room as Sheldon right now, but seeing the enjoyment in Leonards eyes, she knew she couldn't back out. As the two of them made their way over to 4A Sheldon and Amy were already sitting on the couch. Penny acknowledged them with a quick nod and went to sit in the chair. Leonard beat her to it, and she gasped as Leonard pulled her down into his lap. Penny tried to look happy but this wasn't what she really wanted. Leonard pressed play on the remote before opening the pizza. After a while Penny became increasingly uncomfortable at how close Leonard was. She cast a glance over and saw Sheldon staring directly back at her. Amy was lost in the film and didn't notice. Penny offered him a small smile.

"Sheldon, could you get me some more lemonade?" asked Amy still staring at the TV as she held out her glass.

"Certainly." Said Sheldon taking her glass and getting to his feet. He made sure to give a clear stare at Penny before making his way to the kitchen. Penny didn't know what to make of it.

"You OK Penny? You seem a little uneasy tonight." Said Leonard cuddling closer to her.

"I'm fine. Do you want some lemonade?" she asked pulling herself up out of his lap.

"No, I'm fine." He said turning his attention back to the film. Penny felt her whole body burning as she advanced towards the kitchen.

"You have to stop." Whispered Penny. Sheldon glanced at her with a confused look.

"I'm sorry?" he asked.

"You have to stop keep looking at me." Said Penny.

"I'm not allowed to look at you?" asked Sheldon.

"Not like that! You're making me feel terrible." Said Penny. Sheldon paused.

"How exactly do you think I feel having to endure Amy sitting in your spot while you practically make out with Leonard in front of me?" asked Sheldon. Penny was caught off guard.

"My spot?" she questioned.

"Your spot." He repeated.

"Well I'm not exactly making out with Leonard, we're watching the film. Besides, he is my boyfriend, wouldn't it look a little weird if I didn't sit with him?" asked Penny.

"Very well. Do what you will." Said Sheldon passing the lemonade to her.

"Sheldon?" she asked but he ignored her, moving back to the couch and handing Amy her glass of lemonade and sinking back down into his spot. Penny leant against the island and stared at him. She cast a glance at Amy.

_She's sitting in my spot. I want my spot!_

"Actually Penny, could you fill me up?" asked Leonard climbing out of the chair with his glass. Penny stood up and looked at him so he didn't catch her staring at Sheldon. She took his glass form him and filled it.

"There you go sweetie." She said handing it back to him.

"You know…this film is rather boring. You want to head back to yours and…you know?" he smirked. Penny tried to keep the look of horror from her face.

"Don't be so unsociable. We're all hanging out watching a film. Keep your hormones in check." Said Penny.

_Good one girl, way to be a hypocrite. You should try stop thinking about his roommate before you make those kind of comments!_

"Not like you to turn down some action?" asked Leonard.

"Behave yourself." Said Penny. Just then they were disturbed by Amys phone going off.

"Sheldon, don't yell at me, I thought it was on vibrate!" said Amy trying to head off a Sheldon lecture about leaving her phone on during a film.

"Answer it." Said Sheldon.

"Hello? Yes this is her. What? You're kidding? But I'm trying to…oh fine. I'll be there as soon as I can." Sighed Amy hanging her phone up. She glanced at Sheldon.

"The monkeys have gone beserk. I have to go into my lab and deal with it." She sighed.

"Oh well. It can't be helped. I'll be sure to email you a detailed explanation of how the film ends." Said Sheldon.

"Bye Leonard. Bye bestie." Said Amy.

"Hey Amy, you promised to show me your lab." Said Leonard.

"Certainly. I could also use the male assistance in controlling the monkeys. They are not doing well in my new addiction study. They are quite feisty." Said Penny.

"Anything is better than this boring film." Muttered Leonard. Penny knew she should have been offended, but to her surprise she was pleased he was leaving. As they both left the apartment she looked across at Sheldon, who of course was already staring back.

"Can I sit in my spot then?" she asked softly.

"I insist upon it." He replied. Penny smiled awkwardly and sat down next to him. Suddenly she felt his hand lay on top of hers and she thought her heart would rip right out of her chest.


	6. Penny for your thoughts

They both stared at the TV. Penny finally reached for the remote and stopped the film. She glanced down at their hands then up at him.

"Sheldon, what are we doing?" she whispered.

"What do you mean?" asked Sheldon.

"Don't pretend you don't know what I mean. What the hell is this?" asked Penny lifting her hand and thus moving his with it.

"You're the only person I've ever felt comfortable enough to do this with." Sheldon admitted. Penny tilted her head to the side.

"Don't say that Sheldon. We're with our partners. This is wrong." She whispered. Sheldon moved his hand away from hers.

"I think I'll have an early night." Said Sheldon getting to his feet.

"No! Sheldon don't go!" she pleaded. Sheldon ignored her and went into his room, closing the door behind him. Penny sank back into the couch and sighed.

_What the hell am I doing? If I did the right thing telling him no why do I feel so bloody miserable? Why the hell did I have to get back with Leonard in the first place? Why did I have to help get him and Amy together? This is so messed up. Why can't I stop thinking about him?_

Penny sighed and glanced to her left. Sheldons spot. She lay down into it, taking comfort from it. She closed her eyes and slowly fell asleep. When she awoke it was dark, and she had a blanket over her. She heard tapping and looked over to see Sheldon hunched over his laptop at his desk in his famous robe.

"How to win a womans heart." He whispered softly, not knowing she had awoken.

_You're kidding me? He's trying to research how to win my heart? Oh my god! I cannot believe how complicated this has got.I have to put a stop to this. This is madness. I don't want to break his heart but this is crazy! I don't care what his mother said, HE'S crazy!_

Penny went to open her mouth but somehow couldn't bring herself to make any sound. Hearing a soft breathy laugh from Sheldon made her scrunch her eyes shut.

_Oh god, he's happy. He's researching how to win my heart and he's happy. I make him happy. Oh god. This can't be happening. Damnit Sheldon, you're supposed to be Homo Novus!_

Penny opened her eyes and carried on watching him for a moment.

"Buy her roses. Hmm. Switch that with Chrysanthemums. She likes those." He muttered quietly.

_He knows my favourite flowers. Of course he does, that Eidetic memory doesn't allow him to forget anything. I only had to tell him that once and he would know it forever. Oh Sheldon. I'm going to break your heart, I just know it. You should have stayed as Homo Novus. You wouldn't get so hurt then._

"Hmm. Suppose I'd better suspend this search incase I wake her up. Don't want a punch in the throat." He whispered quietly. He let out a breathy laugh, and got to his feet. Penny hid her face under the blanket so he wouldn't know she was awake. She could sense him making his way over to her, and felt a soft kiss on her exposed cheek before he headed back to his room. Once sure he had gone back to his room, Penny threw the blanket back and touched her cheek where his lips had been moments before.

"Holy crap on a cracker!" she whispered to herself. Just then the front door started to unlock.

_Oh god. Not Leonard. I can't deal with this._

Penny pulled the blanket back over her and she heard Leonard open the door and step in. He closed the door, locked it for the night, and dropped his keys into the bowl. He started to make his way across the lounge and then he stopped. Then she heard him chuckle. He'd obviously seen her on the couch. Suddenly she felt him leaning over her.

"Hey beautiful." He smiled. Penny cringed underneath the blanket. Oh god. She really didn't need this. He pulled the blanket back just as she'd closed her eyes, and to him it looked as if she was fast asleep.

"Sleeping beauty needs a kiss to wake her up." Chuckled Leonard. He placed his lips on hers. Penny couldn't stand it and sprung up on the couch, their heads connecting.

"Ow!" moaned Leonard holding his head.

"Leonard, what the hell are you doing?" she asked angrily.

"I was kissing my girlfriend." Said Leonard.

"Did I ask you to?" asked Penny.

"Oh I see. Kissing my girlfriend was stupid. What the hell was I thinking? I think I'll go to bed before I get any more injuries from daring to be affectionate towards you." Snapped Leonard and he marched off to his room. Penny sat back down.

_Jackass! I didn't ask you to kiss me did I? Certainly without your tongue. Can't you do a nice soft kiss like…_

Penny swallowed hard, the answer to her question in her mind, but she dare not think it. The rest of the night went past, Penny just staring up at the ceiling, lost in her thoughts. She was finally brought out of her thoughts by the noise of someone coming down the hallway.

_Please God, if you're listening, please let it be Sheldon. I can't deal with Leonard. Not now. Not yet. I have to speak to Sheldon first._

"Good morning Penny." Said Sheldon heading over to her. She felt her heart beat faster.

_I promise to atleast THINK about attending church on Sunday._

"Hi sweetie." She replied looking at him. Sheldon observed the tired expression on her face.

"You look tired. Did you not achieve sufficient REM sleep?" asked Sheldon.

"I've been thinking. Sheldon, can I ask you something?" she asked.

"By asking me if you can ask something you have already answered your own question." Said Sheldon. Penny looked at him pleadingly and he nodded for her to continue.

"Sheldon, do you love Amy?" she asked.


	7. Misery and tears

Sheldon let out a sigh.

"I do care about her. But do I see a future with her? No." he admitted.

"Sheldon…do you ever get the feeling it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if we weren't with our respective partners?" she asked. Sheldon nodded.

"I'm thinking it too." Penny admitted. Sheldon dropped down to one knee so he was more at her height.

"Penny, I have spent my entire life avoiding social situations. I've always been an individual. I've never sought out friends or girlfriends. I've avoided most people in ways you cannot even begin to understand. Penny…when I'm with you, that somehow doesn't apply. You make me want to change, to be someone who isn't so focused on himself, but focused on someone else. Not just someone. You Penny. I want to focus on you." Said Sheldon.

"Why me?" asked Penny.

"Why not you? What makes you think there is anything about you that anyone in their right mind wouldn't want?" asked Sheldon.

"Sheldon, I'm far from the perfect person." Said Penny.

"Define perfect. You may not be what society classes as perfect. But you're what I class as perfect. There is not one thing I would change about you. Well maybe one…" said Sheldon.

"What's that?" asked Penny.

"Your insistence on using my Meemaws term of endearment." Said Sheldon. Penny broke into a smile.

"Do you _really_ mind me calling you Moonpie?" smiled Penny.

"I guess I can live with it. But Penny…I find myself less and less able…well able is the wrong word…I find myself less and less willing to be without you." Said Sheldon.

"Sheldon, you'll always have me in your life." Said Penny.

"Not how I want you to be. Not if we continue how we have for the previous six years. Penny, you don't seem to realise. You've changed me. I was different for my entire life, but then you come in, you get inside my head, you change me for a better person. You've changed the man I want to be." Said Sheldon.

"Sheldon, you're so sweet. This situation is so messed up. I wish things were different…" sighed Penny.

"Penny, the drunken night we spent together would have happened with or without the alcohol at some point. It's fate. You taught me about fate. It would have happened at some point." Said Sheldon.

"I can't cheat on Leonard Sheldon. Things may not be great between us but he doesn't deserve that." Said Penny. Sheldon glanced down at the floor.

"You wish to remain as we are?" he asked.

"I'm not saying that. I'm saying…I can't cheat on Leonard." Said Penny.

"What does that mean Penny? Does that mean you'll talk to Leonard over breakfast and end things with him, or does it mean in another six years time I'm still going to be subjected to having to watch you and Leonard engaging in unnecessary PDA? Penny, I need to know so that I can engage the appropriate response." Said Sheldon.

"I'm saying…I don't know what I'm saying." Sighed Penny.

"Penny, you are the single most important thing in my life, more important to me than even my mom and my Meemaw. But if I'm going to have to watch you and Leonard making out much longer I'm going to have to move out." Said Sheldon. Penny looked at him in alarm.

"Sheldon no! You can't leave! I can't cope without you!" cried Penny.

"Penny, do you see a future with Leonard? If you think you can be happy with him then I will not stand in your way. I will put my own happiness before your own. As the saying goes…it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved atall." Said Sheldon.

"Sheldon, I don't know what to say…" said Penny, tears forcing their way into her eyes.

"Penny, I think you've said enough. I just want to take this opportunity to thank you." Said Sheldon.

"For what?" asked Penny.

"For teaching me about feelings and emotions. For teaching me about love. But most of all…for teaching me how to put someone else's happiness before my own." Said Sheldon. He leant forward and placed a soft kiss on her forehead and headed to the kitchen. Penny couldn't take it. She pulled the blanket over her head and tears rolled down her face.

"Morning Leonard." Said Sheldon before he'd even got half way down the hallway.

"Would you stop doing that?" asked Leonard appearing into view. He cast a glance over at the couch.

"I hope Penny is in a better mood. She headbutted me last night and snapped at me for daring to give her a kiss." Said Leonard. Penny froze under the blanket.

_Leonard, I wish you would just shut up. You don't realise how miserable I'm making myself because of you. I don't want your tongue in your mouth. I don't want you kissing me. I don't want…you._

"Penny is in some distress after a conversation we just had. Unless she has managed to get back to sleep within a matter of seconds I would hypothesise that it is highly likely she is hiding under that blanket to avoid you." Said Sheldon.

"Penny? Is that true?" asked Leonard. Penny didn't respond.

"I'm going to hit the shower. If you want to talk about anything I don't mind?" asked Leonard hopefully. Still no response.

"What did you say to her?" asked Leonard turning to Sheldon accusingly.

"Leonard, what can I say? You're a lucky man to have her." Said Sheldon dipping a lemon tea bag into his cup for his morning cup of tea.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Leonard.

"It means what it means." Said Sheldon.

"Which means what?" asked Leonard.

"Which means it means what it means." Said Sheldon.

"You say it means what it means but what does it mean?" asked Leonard.

"Leonard, I have no intention spending the morning seeing how many times we can get the word mean into a single sentence." Said Sheldon.

"Great. A nutcase of a roommate and a nutcase of a girlfriend." Said Leonard turning and heading back to his room.

"Penny, Leonard has exited the living area should you wish to remove yourself from under the blanket." He informed her. Penny lifted the blanket down and sat up.

"He called me a nutcase." Said Penny.

"I know he did. I could hardly forget. I have an eidetic memory." Said Sheldon.

"I'm making myself miserable for a guy that calls me a nutcase." Said Penny.

"You're miserable?" asked Sheldon curiously. She looked up at him.

"You know I am Sheldon." She replied.


	8. Time together

A long pause passed and Penny got to her feet.

"Why am I staying with him?" she asked aloud.

"Is that a question to which you require an answer or is it an internal thought you immediately verbalised?" asked Sheldon.

"Both." Penny replied.

"Although I believe you are with Leonard for the wrong reasons, there is nonetheless reasons for your choice." Said Sheldon. Penny walked over to him.

"You really care about me don't you?" she asked.

"Of course I do. You have worked your way into my life over these six years. Now I've found that I wouldn't want it any other way." Said Sheldon seriously.

"If you could have these six years all over again would you do anything differently?" asked Penny.

"Yes, I know I would." Sheldon replied.

"What would you do different?" Penny asked curiously.

"I would make sure that I told you how I felt about you the moment I saw you, instead of taking six whole years to realise it." Said Sheldon. Penny sighed.

"I don't deserve someone like you in my life." Said Penny.

"That could be classed as both a compliment and an insult depending on the desired conclusion." Said Sheldon. Penny smiled.

"It was meant as a compliment Sheldon. You know I really care about you don't you?" she asked.

"I hope so." He replied.

"I do Sheldon. Don't ever doubt that." Said Penny.

"Very well, I won't." said Sheldon.

"You mean you doubted it before?" asked Penny.

"I haven't always been sure of your thoughts about me. Sometimes I got the impression I was a chore for you to deal with." Sheldon admitted.

"Why would you think that?" asked Penny.

"You know I am not good at judging emotions and feelings. How would me not being able to read what you think of me be a surprise to you?" he asked.

"Sheldon you've never been a chore to me. Sure, sometimes you frustrate me, but that's life. Oh sweetie, come here!" sighed Penny pulling him into a hug before he could argue. He placed a hand on her back tentatively.

"There there…Sheldon's here." He said awkwardly. Penny let him go and smiled.

"Still not a hugging fan huh?" she asked.

"I'm trying to work on it." He replied. Penny nodded.

"Can I have some tea?" she asked. Sheldon looked at her confused.

"I thought coffee was your beverage of choice in the morning?" he asked.

"Normally it is. But I'd like you to choose a falavour for me. Surprise me." She replied.

"Alright." Said Sheldon selecting a bag from his kit. Penny sat back down on the couch and Sheldon came over with two cups of tea.

"Ahem!" he said gesturing to his spot, which she was in. Penny rolled her eyes and shifted across.

"Thank you." He said handing her the cup. She took a sip and placed it on the table, making sure it landed firmly on the coaster for fear of a ring on the table and the inevitable lecture and strike.

"Would you care to watch some Doctor Who?" he asked.

"I don't mind." She replied. Sheldon switched the TV on and nearly spilt his tea in surprise when Penny rested her head on his arm.

"Um…you're going to lay like that all the way through?" he asked.

"Are you complaining?" asked Penny.

"No." he said.

"Good." Penny replied. Sheldon tried to concentrate on the TV, but having her so close and intimate to her distracted him. Before he even knew it the titles went up.

"Did you like that episode?" Penny asked reaching forward for her tea.

"I couldn't concentrate. Your close physical proximity distracted me." He replied.

"You should have said, I'd have sat up. I just thought you might like to be close to me." Shrugged Penny.

"I did. I just didn't expect it after our previous conversation." Said Sheldon. Penny reached for the remote and switched the tv off.

"Sheldon, things would get really complicated if we got together." She whispered.

"I have no doubt of that." Sheldon replied.

"Why do you like me so much?" asked Penny.

"You surely know the answer to your own question?" he asked in surprise.

"Oh Sheldon…" she sighed. She pulled herself closer to him.

"Hold me." She whispered, a sense of pleading in her voice. Sheldon leant forward and placed his tea on the table, then leant back and positioned himself as he had done when Amy had made the same request.

"Thank you Sheldon." Penny whispered burying her face into his chest.

"Penny?" Sheldon asked.

"Yeah?" she replied.

"Would you be offended if I took your tea. It's slanted and this is a nice couch." Said Sheldon. Penny let out a small laugh.

"Only you could be in a position like this and still have time to worry about a cup of tea." Said Penny handing the tea to him. Sheldon strained to place the tea on the table without disturbing her and went back to cuddling her. A long pause occurred.

"Sheldon?" she whispered.

"Hmm?" he asked.

"Are you playing with my hair?" she asked curiously. Sheldon looked down at his hand, which was absent mindedly sliding through her blonde curls.

"It would appear I am." Said Sheldon.

"It's nice." Replied Penny.

"Duly noted." Said Sheldon.

"I thought you might shout at me." Said Penny.

"Why?" he asked.

"Smell it." Said Penny. Sheldon took a sniff.

"Penny!" he cried.

"It's Apricot!" Penny said with a small laugh.

"You know I like Green Apple!" said Sheldon unimpressed.

"I thought I'd try it. It was on sale. Don't you think you could learn to love it like you did with Green Apple?" she asked hopefully.

"Well…I suppose I can give it a trial run. But if I don't like it you have to change it back. Apricot indeed…complete madness!" said Sheldon indignantly.

"Alright sweetie." She smiled.

"Good." He replied. A pause occurred.

"I wish things weren't so complicated." Sighed Penny.

"What do you mean?" Sheldon enquired.

"I wish…oh I don't know." Sighed Penny.

"Go on…" Sheldon urged.

"I wish things were different. I wish…oh god, it sounds terrible!" cried Penny sitting up and pulling out of the cuddle. She glanced back at him.

"I wish Amy and Leonard didn't exist." She admitted.


	9. Sheldon tells

Sheldon tilted his head towards the hall way.

"My Vulcan hearing tells me Leonard is getting up." He informed her.

"I should go. Will you come and see me later?" she asked. Sheldon nodded. Penny got to her feet and glanced down as she felt him grab her hand.

"If you decide you want to stay with Leonard…I'll support your decision. I know I'm hardly a catch. I want your happiness more than anything else." He told her. She gave his hand a squeeze.

"Don't give up on me Sheldon. I just need to figure some stuff out." She said softly.

"So I have a chance?" he asked hopefully. Penny leant over and kissed him on the cheek.

"What do you reckon Moonpie?" she smiled. She made her way to the door and opened it.

"Penny?" he called. She turned to face him.

"Only Meemaw can call me Moonpie!" he told her. Penny smiled and left for her apartment. Once inside she headed to the bathroom for a shower. Once in, she turned the water on and let it run over her.

_Alright Penny. You've got to work out how to tell Leonard. It's no good fighting it, you want Sheldon, and he wants you. Leonard only wants you for your body. There's no future there and you know it. Hey, what's all that noise outside?_

Penny strained to listen and heard loud voices. She recognised it was Leonard. Suddenly there was a loud thumping knock on her front door. Penny slumped against the back wall.

_Oh my god! Sheldon has told him!_

After a moment the bathroom door opened.

"Penny, I know you're in here!" spat Leonard.

"Leonard, what the hell, I'm taking a frickin' shower!" cried Penny poking her head out from behind the shower curtain.

"That's not all you're taking is it? Sheldon? Sheldon frickin' Cooper?!" asked Leonard throwing his hands in the air.

"Leonard, are you going to calm down so I can talk to you properly?" she asked. Leonard fumed as he sat down on the edge of the counter opposite her.

"Sheldon just told me you want to break up with me to be with him. I don't see any denial." Said Leonard glancing down at the floor. There was a pause.

"It's true Leonard. I'm sorry. I just don't see a future for us." Said Penny.

"I did." He mumbled.

"That's half the problem. Leonard, you've probably worked out what church we're getting married at, how many kids we're going to have and what school they'll go to. I haven't thought about any of that because…I just don't see it happening for us." Said Penny.

"So when did this wonderful realisation happen exactly? Have you been screwing me and thinking of him at the same time?" asked Leonard.

"Do you have to be so immature?" asked Penny.

"Immature? Oh I'm sorry Penny, how exactly did you expect me to react? I'm being dumped for the guy who wouldn't know an emotional feeling if it was imprinted into his brain with lasers!" said Leonard.

"That's not true Leonard. Sheldon has developed. He wants to be with me. I want to be with him. You can moan and yell and scream all you want but it won't change things. We're over Leonard. Now will you please excuse me so I can finish my shower?" she asked.

"Oh yeah, heaven forbid this conversation should hold up anything important!" spat Leonard storming out the door. Penny grimaced as the door slammed loudly, followed by another loud slam of the front door as he left the apartment. Penny let out a long sigh.

_Well that wasn't what I had planned. But he knows. That was the hard part._

Penny let a smile cross her face. Now she was free to be with Sheldon. She jumped as she heard his traditional knocks on her front door.

"COME IN SHELDON!" she called. Sheldon repeated his traditional knocks on her bathroom door.

"Come in." she said pulling the shower curtain back. Sheldon entered.

"Penny, I hope you haven't fallen in the shower again, I did tell you to…" Sheldon trailed off as he came face to face, or rather face to naked body, with Penny.

"Yes Sheldon?" she asked trying to look innocent.

"Um…I er…you…I…Penny, you really shouldn't be calling men into your bathroom when you're in a state of undress!" he stuttered.

"I don't. You're different. Pass me my towel Sheldon, I want to talk to you." Said Penny. Sheldon obliged and sat on the counter where Leonard had been moments before as she wrapped the towel round her and shut the water off. She sat on the edge of the bath tub.

"It was brave of you to confront Leonard like that." Said Penny.

"I didn't have much choice. He asked me if something was wrong, I said no, my eye twitched, he kept asking me, and in the end…it just came out." Said Sheldon.

"I'm glad it did." Said Penny.

"You're not angry with me?" he asked looking up at her. Penny tilted her head to the side in confusion.

"Sheldon, why would I be angry with you?" she asked.

"It was your right to tell Leonard as you saw fit. I told him instead." Said Sheldon. Penny smiled.

"Sheldon, I'm glad you told him. You saved me an awkward job. So…stupid question really but I suppose you'll be writing up a relationship agreement?" she asked.

"Of course I will. But first we need to ask each other the qualifying question." Said Sheldon.

"Oh no. I daren't ask." Said Penny.

"We can hardly begin a relationship agreement if we do not request boyfriend/girlfriend status." Said Sheldon. Penny started to giggle.

"Sheldon…are you asking me if I'll be your girlfriend?" she smiled.

"Well it would be an appropriate question I feel." Said Sheldon.

"You answer first." Said Penny.

"You're asking me to be your girlfriend? Penny, I am a male." He stated.

"Thank you for pointing that out to me Sheldon!" she smirked.

"Penny, be serious!" said Sheldon.

"Alright Sheldon…yes, I will be your girlfriend." Smiled Penny.

"Good." Said Sheldon.

"Will you be my boyfriend?" she asked. There was a long pause.

"I suppose…" he replied, trying to keep a smile from his face.

"You cheeky…" laughed Penny throwing a bar of soap at him.

"Penny, that is inappropriate behaviour! Do you know how many people get injured each year by a bar of soap?" asked Sheldon.

"No but I've got a horrible feeling you're about to inform me in a long laborious lecture." Groaned Penny.

"None that I know of Penny. It's a bar of soap, don't be silly. My point is, be sensible." Said Sheldon.

"Well I'm going to finish my shower. Are you going to get that relationship agreement written up?" asked Penny.

"I believe that is an acceptable plan of action." He replied and exited the bathroom.

_I'm in a relationship with Dr Whackadoodle. God help me!_


	10. The loaded question

The day passed fairly uneventfully. That night Penny awoke on her couch from a nap to the sound of the traditional knock name cycle of her new boyfriend. She made her way to the door.

"Hey sweetie." She yawned when she opened the door.

"Oh I'm sorry. Have I called at a bad time?" he asked.

"No, I was just taking a nap. Whatcha got there?" she asked pointing at the document in his hands. He handed it to her.

"Wow, you got the relationship agreement written up in one day?" she asked surprised.

"It's a first draft, for your perusal." He informed her. Penny made her way to the couch and Sheldon stood awkwardly in the doorway. She glanced up at him.

"Aren't you coming in?" she asked.

"Thank you. Leonard has taken to trying to blow me up with his mind on several occasions." Said Sheldon stepping in and closing the door behind him.

"Ugh. I'll talk to him. Hey…how did Amy take the news?" asked Penny.

"She was polite, nothing more, nothing less. She seemed much happier when I said you were the reason for us breaking up. In her words, 'Bestie will be in my life forever!'…she seems quite pleased with our impending partnership." Said Sheldon.

"Oh, I'm glad about that. She can be a bit weird, but I do like her." Said Penny.

"Me too. I think things are working out quite well." Said Sheldon.

"Alright Moonpie, let's see what's in here." Said Penny opening the document.

"I'd bring your attention to rule 4." Said Sheldon.

"Penny is from this date onwards not allowed to refer to Sheldon as Moonpie?" Penny read.

"Strikes will be issued for violation of the relationship agreement." He informed her. Penny smiled and nodded.

"Does that mean I get to pick a name? I kinda like having something just for me to call you." Said Penny.

"I reserve the right to veto your suggestions until you come up with an acceptable choice." Said Sheldon.

"Fair enough. Oh Sheldon, rule 7 is ridiculous! Penny must cook spaghetti and hot dogs whenever the demand is issued? Who the hell am I, your slave?" asked Penny.

"I don't mind reducing it a little. But you never make me spaghetti and hot dogs any more." Sheldon sighed. Penny thought back. It _had_ been a long time.

"Come here sweetie." Said Penny patting the couch next to her. Sheldon perched on the edge.

"I _will_ cook you spaghetti and hot dogs. But when we both feel like eating it. I know you Sheldon, you'll be demanding it every night!"

"And the spaghetti and hot dogs too." Said Sheldon. Penny looked at him, mouth open.

"Something I heard Wolowitz say the other day." He explained. Penny smiled and nodded.

"Sounds like that perv alright. I feel sorry for Bernadette." Said Penny.

"How do you feel about rule 9?" asked Sheldon. Penny located it.

"Sheldon will buy flowers and chocolates for Penny at random times as an act of spontaneity." She read.

"I thought you might like it?" he asked.

"Sheldon, it's lovely. Just not too often on the chocolates. I'll end up as big as a house." She smiled.

"Penny, I do not see a reason why you should subscribe to the world view that women should be judged by their weight, or proposed excess thereof." Said Sheldon.

"Us women like to be thin." Said Penny.

"You look beautiful just as you are." Said Sheldon. Pennys mouth fell open.

"Sheldon, that's the most sweet thing you've ever said to me." She cried.

"Have I upset you?" he asked noticing tears forcing their way into his eyes.

"No, I'm just happy. Come here you beautiful genius." Smiled Penny pulling him into a hug. Sheldon did his best to hug back.

"Hey, you didn't feel quite so tense this time. Are you liking hugs?" asked Penny pulling back from him.

"I like them from you." He admitted. Penny smiled.

"Well I like hugging you." She assured him.

"I believe you may or may not like rule 17." Said Sheldon. Penny scanned through to it.

"Sheldon will keep Pennys apartment in a clean and orderly fashion." She read.

"Now, I know that sounds like I am taking over…but Penny, this place is a vortex of entropy, I cannot spend a considerably sum of my time in here without having some kind of breakdown." Sheldon explained. Penny smiled and patted his knee.

"You can clean whenever you feel like it. Hell, it beats me having to do it, and I'll never get it as good as you would anyway." Said Penny.

"Incidentally…no time like the present." Said Sheldon standing up. Penny watched him start to sort through some magazines on the table. Pennys curiosity got the better of her.

"Sheldon…there's something I'd like to ask you." Said Penny.

"Go on." Said Sheldon continuing to file her magazines in date order in one neat pile on the table.

"You know when we did what we did when we were drunk?" asked Penny.

"I remember. Eidetic memory." He reminded her.

"Was that…your first…sexual encounter?" asked Penny gently. Sheldon paused for a moment thoughtfully.

"Define 'sexual encounter' in more detail." He said.

"What I mean is…have you ever…you know? Given yourself a hand?" asked Penny.

_Am I really asking Sheldon if he pleasures himself? What the hell is wrong with my weird dirty mind?!_

"If you mean to include masturbation, then no, our encounter was not my first sexual encounter." He informed her.

"So you're not actually asexual then. You just don't like sex." Said Penny.

"It's not that I don't like it. I just surpress my urges with Kolinar." Said Sheldon.

"Interesting." Said Penny. Sheldon looked at her curiously.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I was just curious." Said Penny. Sheldon nodded and turned his attention back to the magazines.

"Can I ask you something else?" asked Penny after a moment.

"Certainly." Said Sheldon.

"Do you watch porn?" she asked. Sheldon looked at her and shook his head.

"I prefer mental stimulation to explicit pornographic stimulation." He said.

"You mean…you like to think of people rather than see them?" asked Penny.

"Yes." He replied. Penny braced herself for a strike with her next question.

"So who do you think about?"

**A/N You may be wondering why there are 3 chapters up in quick succession. Turns out (and none of you pointed it out to me, so I blame you lot aswell! Lol) I was getting this fic mixed up with What's wrong with Sheldon? These three chapters are supposed to be on this fic, but I uploaded them on the other one by mistake, so I'm uploading all three up here on the correct fic. The chapters made no sense on the other one anyway, surprised no one noticed! lol**


	11. The chew toy explanation

**A/N Thanks for the reviews everyone. Nertooold54 Sheldon didn't make it up, he was quoting what Howard said. Clint bolr, Penny was referring to Sheldon demanding spaghetti and hot dogs every night. Sheldon then quoted what Howard said, which was to make out that spaghetti and hot dogs was a separate thing, and that the first thing was something more sexual. Typical Howard innuendo (in your endo).**

Sheldon glanced down at the floor, suddenly embarrassed.

"I don't believe that is an appropriate thing to discuss." He said quietly.

"I've got it, it's Mrs Jenkins downstairs isn't it?" smiled Penny.

"Penny, she's 87!" cried Sheldon.

"Whatever does it for you sweetie!" Penny teased.

"I do not think about Mrs Jenkins! Or any other of our elderly neighbours." Said Sheldon.

"So who _do_ you think of?" asked Penny.

"I don't want to say." Said Sheldon awkwardly.

"Come on, you can tell me. Who?" asked Penny. Sheldon whispered a name too quiet for her to hear.

"I don't have your Vulcan hearing." Penny reminded him.

"You?" he whispered a little louder.

"Huh. There I was thinking it was some kind of weird animal fetish or something." Said Penny.

"Penny, I assure you, my feelings towards animals are strictly platonic." Said Sheldon.

"So why were you so embarrassed to tell me? I _am_ your girlfriend you know." Said Penny.

"The um…visual stimulation…pre dated our relationship agreement. When you were still attached to Leonard." He explained awkwardly.

"Oh. So when you used to complain about me and Leonard having loud sex, you were really complaining about _who_ I was having sex with, not how loud." Smiled Penny.

"You're not offended then?" he asked.

"Come here sweetie." She said patting the couch beside her. Sheldon sat back next to her.

"Thank you for opening up to me. And for what it's worth…you're not the only one to think things like that." Said Penny.

"What do you mean?" asked Sheldon.

"Oh sometimes I saw those long slender fingers of yours. Thought of what they could do to me. Sometimes I let my mind get away from me." Smiled Penny.

"Huh. I guess I don't need to feel so bad then." Said Sheldon. He examined his fingers more closely.

"Maybe one day you'll feel comfortable enough to let me find out?" asked Penny hopefully.

"I now understand why during our drunken episode you told me you thought my hands were sexy. I thought it was just an odd piece of brain activity caused by alcohol intoxication." Said Sheldon.

"I wish I had an eidetic memory. We did all that stuff and I barely remember much about it. It's not fair." Smiled Penny.

"Penny, you are well aware I have issues with physical intimacy. But I will work on them. For you." Said Sheldon. Penny broke into what he thought might be the largest grin he'd ever seen.

"That means a lot to me Sheldon. And hey…I'm sorry for butting in on your private thoughts. That kind of thing is personal and I let my curiosity get the better of me." Said Penny.

"Since I opened up to you…may I be permitted to ask you something?" asked Sheldon.

"Of course Sheldon. You can ask me anything." Said Penny.

"That thing I found when I was sorting your closet out the night of the dinner party some time ago. It's not a chew toy is it?" asked Sheldon.

"No Sheldon. It's not." Smiled Penny.

"Howard mentioned aloud he thought it might be a sex aid. The very concept confused me. You're a sexually active person, why would you need an aid to help you achieve it?" asked Sheldon.

"First of all, I'm going to headbutt Howard. Second of all, it's not something that helps me to have sex. It's something that I can use as an alternative to sex. Sometimes I get certain urges and Leonard wasn't there, or I just didn't fancy doing it with him." Said Penny.

"Oh I see. An alternative solution to your perceived problem. I understand better." Said Sheldon. Penny paused for a moment.

"Since we're being open and honest…would you like to see it more closely?" asked Penny. Sheldon looked unsure so Penny made her way into her bedroom. When she returned and sat next to him she placed a small shoebox in his lap.

"If you feel comfortable enough you can take the lid off. Or I'll take the box back. It's not something I show people…but I will show it to you if you're interested." Said Penny.

"I'm not sure if I'm ready." Admitted Sheldon. Penny reached forward and took the box.

"Then I'll put it back. When you feel ready, you ask me. OK?" she asked. Sheldon reached forward and placed his hand on the lid. Penny paused.

"Only if you feel comfortable." She reminded him. Sheldon lifted the lid.

"It looks somehow different now I know its purpose." Said Sheldon. Penny reached in and lifted it out.

"See this bit? It vibrates. It feels _really_ good." Said Penny.

"Thank you for showing me what no doubt is a very private part of your life." Said Sheldon.

"I'll open up to you as much or as little as you want." Said Penny.

"So you press that switch?" he asked flicking the switch on the side turning it on.

"Yeah. That's it." Said Penny. She bit her lip as it vibrated in her hand.

"Your facial expression is rather confusing." Said Sheldon looking at her closely.

"Sorry Sheldon. Just…getting distracted." Said Penny switching it off.

"Oh, were you planning on using it?" asked Sheldon. Penny looked at him slightly surprised.

"Well…I wasn't. But now it's out here…" said Penny. She blushed a little.

_My god, I cannot believe I just admitted that to him! He'll probably have a seizure and drop down on the floor! I can see the headline now. "Woman gets herself off…boyfriend keels over in shock!"_

"Am I right to assume you would rather I left so you can undertake your activity with immediate effect?" asked Sheldon.

"No, I'd rather you stayed and watched!" Penny chuckled jokingly. The reply nearly caused her to go into shock.

"I would not be averse to that."


End file.
